please note this review of love crimes of Kabul contains spoilers with some adult themes
by S. Esapzai
I watched this documentary recently called Love Crimes of
Kabul (if any of my readers are interested in watching it – and I strongly
recommend that they do). Anyway, as I was watching this
film, I could not help thinking just how utterly obsessed everyone was when it
came to sex, but most importantly of all, girls keeping their hymens intact to
ensure purity and inviolability. Now, before my readers jump to any
conclusions, I want to make it very clear here that I am not, in anyway,
condoning pre-marital sex. Not at all, actually. However, in Afghanistan,
premarital sex is not only religiously forbidden, as per the country’s Islamic
beliefs (Shar’ia Law), but it is also illegal. Young women and men who do
happen to engage in sexual relations before marriage are punished severely. So,
while some are simply thrown into prison — given sentences that go up to ten
years — others, on the other hand, especially when they commit adultery, are
blatantly stoned to death.
Love Crimes of Kabul follows the stories/lives of three
young women in the Badum Bagh Women’s Prison in Kabul, Afghanistan. And I have
to say that while I was expecting to watch yet another extremely depressing
documentary about the ways in which women are oppressed, especially behind
bars; this documentary, however, pleasantly surprised me! It was nothing like
what I’d expected; the stories that were shared were sad, distressing, and
troublesome. Yet, at the same time, they were very fascinating and sort of sexy
in a way. And their life in prison did not seem so bad either. They ate amazing
food; were allowed to have their children live/stay with them; and they were
always gossiping, laughing, and just having a lot of fun, even with the guards
(who were also women, mind you)! But then things always seem peachy on the
surface, don’t they? And it would be unfair of me to simply judge “prison life”
on what I see in a documentary, which could also be staged, for all I know.
The first woman we are introduced to, in the
documentary, is Kareema – a pretty dimpled, bold and outspoken 20-year-old
Hazara woman whose crime was that she hadd fallen in love with a man, had
pre-marital sex with him, and was now carrying his child. During her interview
in the film, she did mention that they were engaged to get married, that she
loved him very much, and that she hoped to marry him soon. I personally thought
that the most interesting part about her story was that she was not caught and
turned in by outsiders/relatives; but rather, she, herself, went to the authorities
and turned herself in! Brave much? And her reasoning: well, her fiancé had
refused to marry her partly due to her “loose” character, but mostly due to
pressures from his parents, who disapproved of their relationship all along,
simply because they did not want their son marrying a Hazara. Her fiancé was a
Pashtun and it appears that in Afghanistan, if a Pashtun marries a Hazara, it
is looked down upon (not all the time, but most of the time). It’s a sad
reality but it’s the truth, it seems. So, as a result of her fiancé’s family
disapproving of her (as well as her fiancé admitting in an interview that he’d
wished that he’d never met her and that he didn’t love her), Kareema retaliated
by turning herself in to the authorities (for having had premarital sex), which
also lead to her fiancé’s arrest. And the only way he was to be released was if
he married her. Her wish to marry her fiancé, of course, does come true
eventually, as the film progresses. But I thought that the way she went about
getting what she wanted was extremely brave, especially for a woman living in a
country like Afghanistan; albeit she practically forced the man to marry her
(which I am against, of course, for no one should be forced into doing
something they don’t want/desire). She also admitted that she was not afraid to
get divorced, yet she also made sure that she demanded enough money so that in
case they did get divorced, she would be able to fend for herself. Here, I
admit, I was pretty impressed with the way she handled the whole situation.
Anyway, the thing I fail to comprehend is why has peoples’
personal lives become such a concern of public authority? It’s almost like a Big
Brother kind of scenario, where peoples’ every move and every action is
monitored, especially when it comes to their sexual relations. There seems to
be so much obsession with sex – and the control of it – that when stories of
pre-marital relations and conceiving children out of wedlock arise, people
become utterly barbaric and do not know how to deal with such situations. And,
again, I am not saying that I condone such behaviours nor am I saying that I
support/encourage them, but I just feel that there is no need to throw young
couples into prison on account of it, nor even murder (not kill) them, just
because society believes it to be wrong. We are all humans at the end of the
day. We all have desires. We are not perfect beings. And mistakes happen. But punishment
and death is not the answer! It’s never the answer. The fact of the matter is
that, no matter how much we try to suppress such behaviours and scream that
it’s wrong, it’s immoral, and that it is forbidden, the more young people will
be lured towards it and will do it, in hiding; thus throwing all caution to the
wind. Force and suppression is never the way to go about these things. Rather,
it’s better to educate young people about sex and about the consequences of it,
instead of brushing the whole issue under the carpet because any talk of sex
and what happens between men and women in the bedroom is forbidden, for it is
not something to be discussed with kids (that are old enough to understand) so
openly and freely.
Further, I’ve come to realize, both through personal
experience (especially on my recent trip to Khyber-Pakhtunkhwa) and also
through other peoples’ experiences, that our women more often like to gossip,
joke, and tease other women when it comes to sex (and would do so for hours on
end), but they will never discuss it with their children – especially those who
are old enough to comprehend it. Sex is so taboo; so wrong; yet the desire to
engage in it is de rigueur. Men marry more than one woman, and while they claim
that it is for other reasons besides satisfying their sexual appetites, I
somehow never buy that claim. No man is saintly enough to take on a virgin
wife, who happens to be 25 years younger than he, just so that he can care for
her. While “care”may be one of the reasons, it is never the only reason!
Oh, and speaking of virginity, there also appears to be this
whole other obsession with virginity and chastity. And absolute deep importance
is often given to it, for to be a virgin is to be “holy”; and the longer a
woman, especially, preserves it, the better she is off: personally, socially,
morally, psychologically, and most importantly of all, maritally. This
obsession with virginity is depicted in the documentary through the second
young female: 18-year-old Sabereh, who also belongs to the Hazara tribe. She is
a pretty little petite young woman, whose crime was that she, too, like
Kareema, had fallen in love with a boy and was caught kissing him at her house.
However, it is emphasized repeatedly that she is a virgin (yes, they do medical
tests on her in order to prove that!), so her case seems to be a little
uncertain. For according to the law, since Sabereh was still a virgin, she did
not really commit any “moral” crimes.
Nevertheless, the outcome of her so-called crime did not turn
out to be too positive, as compared to Kareema’s, despite the fact that it was
proven that she was “pure” and all. Instead, they start to accuse her of
engaging in sodomy, which according to Islamic law is far worse
than anything imaginable. I do not want to spoil it for my readers, who do
intend to watch the film, so I won’t delve any more into her story. But, I just
find it troubling that medical tests were done on Sabereh in order to determine
whether she was a virgin or not. And even that wasn’t enough; it’s like if a
man and a woman remotely meet, then that must mean that they’ve had sex or at
least engaged in some form of sexual activity. Everything is always assumed,
and hardly proven (unless it is deemed absolutely necessary; otherwise, it’s
all solely based on assumptions). What if her hymen had broken without sexual
penetration, but through other inexplicable means? Of course, in our society, a
broken hymen automatically means that the girl is not a virgin, regardless if
she has had sex or not.
The hymen, hence, is the sole determinant of a young
woman’s chastity and virtue.
Whatever she does, whomever she speaks to, and
wherever she goes, her hymen is the first thing she has to protect and put into
consideration before anything else. She has to guard her hymen with her life;
and if she doesn’t (for example, if she gets raped), then that simply means
that she failed to protect it, hence making it all her fault. So, yes, her whole world
basically revolves around her hymen; as a matter of fact, her life is her
hymen!
Anyhow, the last woman we are introduced to in the
documentary is 23-year-old Aleema – a divorced woman who lives at home again
with her parents. But because she had a curfew and found her living conditions
to be rather abusive and controlling, she decided to run away from home and
sought refuge with a woman (as old as her mother) named Zia. However, when she
gets caught, not only is she sent to jail but Zia is also blamed and sent to
jail with her. And one of the reasons that Zia is sent to jail is because it
was claimed that she tried to sell Aleema, hence exploiting her for sexual
favours. Of course, they (the authorities) have no proof whatsoever to make
such a blatant claim against her. Further, they also blame Aleema for having
had some sort of a sexual relationship with Zia’s son – who’s married already
and has a wife. And it is proclaimed that the only way that they both (Aleema
and Zia) would be released from prison was if Aleema married Zia’s son, hence
becoming his second wife. I guess the fact that Aleema was living with Zia,
knowing very well that her son lived with her too and the possibility of sexual
relations could develop is, in my opinion, the main reason for her arrest. The
people who arrested them were probably wondering why Zia would allow a young,
un-married (divorced, in this case) woman to live with her, knowing very well that she had run away from home
(and possibly with her son?). The funny thing is that the person who turned in
Aleema to the authorities was actually Zia’s son’s first wife, which hence
makes it even more flagrant that something must have been going on between
Aleema and Zia’s son. Yet, again, there is never any concrete proof provided;
it’s all based on assumptions and assumptions alone.
Hence, in the film, we see how Zia tries her very best to
convince Aleema to marry her son, so that she could be released. But, Aleema,
bold and outspoken, like Kareema, refuses to budge for she knows very well that
Zia can’t afford the dowry she feels she deserves. She also knows her son can’t
provide the lifestyle she yearns. Aleema further thinks Zia wants her for her
son only because she can get her cheap because she’s a divorcee and hence not
pure (a virgin) any more. (Virgins, when getting married, are granted much more
expensive and lavish weddings that cost around $7,000 to $8,000!) As a result,
Aleema feels insignificant and refuses to partake in anything that will make
her feel even more cheap and worthless, than what society already thought of
her.
Here, I must say just how incredibly sickening I find the
way divorced women are perceived in our society – making it seem like being
divorced is some sort of a disease; a pestilence! And that those women who walk
away from marriages, for being abused (either physically or emotionally), are
worse off, as this one woman worker told Aleema, in one scene: “A bad husband
is better than no husband.” And as much as I do not agree with this statement
at all, this is what most, if not all, women believe and strongly abide by.
Anyway, there is much to say on this and I am currently working on a piece
dedicated to this “issue” of divorce among Pashtuns. It's an important topic
and much light needs to be shed on it.
I realize this post contains lots of spoilers, but I am sure
I must have missed out some parts from the film; so again, I would strongly urge my
readers to check out this documentary and form their own opinions and
conclusions from it. There is indeed much to learn from this, and while it was
entertaining and not as depressing as I expected it to be, it definitely
depicts a side of Afghanistan that we don’t often see; if ever. I commend these
three extremely brave women for coming forth and sharing their fascinating, yet
distressing, stories – stories of passion, love, desire, lust, and
deception. And yet, despite the
hardships, the pain, and the loss each and every woman endured, they managed to
brighten up the cameras with their colourful laughter and beautiful bright
smiles. And while the Love Crimes of Kabul comes off as entertaining, simply
because the stakes don’t seem as high, and the situations come off as
light-hearted and rather humorous instead of distressing, it might just not be
the worst kind of oppression.
Yet, it is still oppression. And that we cannot deny.
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